Their stories

I have PCOS. I had surgery August 1st, 2008 to correct some of the problems I had with it. My doctor put me on Clomid to assist us in getting pregnant. We'd tried for so long to have a baby I just never thought I'd ever get pregnant.

Annabelle:
We found out we were pregnant with our first baby December 30th 2008. We weren't expecting it. I'd been at the doctor because my period hadn't shown up and he told me to take a pregnancy test at home, if it was negative to start estrogen. I was shocked beyond words when it said "pregnant". I had the pregnancy confirmed with the doctor the next day. We had our ultrasound on January 6th. We lost the baby January 8th, 2009 at 9w3d. We named the baby Annabelle since we felt in our hearts that it was a girl. Her due date was August 11th, 2009.

Grace's Story:
We got our second BFP (big fat positive) April 15th - between our birthdays mine is the 11th and Daniel's is the 17th. It was the best birthday present ever. My due date was December 22nd. Every ultrasound showed that the baby was right on schedule. At the 17 week appointment we were supposed to find out the baby’s gender. But baby was being hard to get along with and wouldn’t uncross its legs. They said that the baby was measuring two weeks behind and I didn’t understand it. Two days later was the complete ultrasound where they do all the measurements and check for abnormalities. Baby finally showed us the goods, and we found out it was a girl. I was so happy, we wanted a girl. My next appointment was three weeks later, at 20 weeks - August 10th, the day before Annabelle's due date. I went alone since Daniel had to work. The doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat with the hand Doppler. I was supposed to have blood drawn but I was sent straight to ultrasound. The tech started the test and then mumbled something and ran out of the room. She came back in with the doctor and his assistant. The doctor did the test and then the world stopped, he said “April, I’m sorry but she’s gone . I was in shock and it took a minute for it to sink in. The doctor stayed with me and let me cry on his shoulder. They asked if there was anyone they could call and I told them I only had Daniel and he was working. I said I’d drive to the store and tell him. The doctor told me that I was to go to the hospital and have the specialist confirm and afterward I was to come back to the doctor’s office to work on the next step. I started sobbing and my only thought was that I had to tell Daniel. Once I was alright to drive I went to Daniel and told him the news. He took the rest of the day off work and took me to the hospital. They confirmed that our little girl was in fact passed away. I felt like my entire world had paused. We went back to the doctor’s office. The doctor said that the baby was too big for a D&C and he wanted to give me a week to see if I’d go into labor on my own. If not then we’d schedule an induction. It was horrific knowing that I’d have to carry my baby longer knowing that she was gone. A week went by and I still hadn’t gone into labor. The doctor couldn’t schedule me for induction for another week so I was to go into the hospital on the 21st. I was given two pills to take at home to start labor and I was to be at the hospital at 6am that Friday. I took one pill at 6pm Thursday night and the labor started. I took the next one at 530am Friday and went to the hospital. The labor came on very hard and fast and I didn’t get any pain medication. They expected me to be in labor much longer and as the nurse came in for the epidural the baby was already in the birth canal. Grace Ann Andrews was born Friday August 21st at 9am. There was a heartbreaking silence where there should have been a baby’s cry. The doctor and nurses spoke in hushed tones. The doctor instructed one of the nurses to take the placenta and send it for testing. He said just by looking at everything that he couldn’t see a reason why she had passed. Our little angel weighed 4 ounces and was 6 inches long. She was very red since her skin was still transparent at the stage of development she was in. Our little girl was so tiny that she fit in one hand. She had perfect little hands and perfect little feet and the cutest toes. I was amazed at her. I think she had her daddy’s nose and my face shape. The nurses said she had very long legs and would have been tall. She was a tiny, perfect little angel. I held her for a few moments then I had to rest. It was just exhausting. Later they brought her back into the room with us and we both held her. Her daddy cried holding her. The hospital gave us a memory box with a few little baby items in it – two infant hats, a shawl, a journal, hospital bracelets and a card with her footprints. We took some photos of her wrapped in the little shawl.
We made the choice to have her cremated. She was cremated with her little bunny doll and her pink bunny blanket. Her daddy picked out her urn, a blue heart with a silver rose on it. We liked it because it was the same blue as her eyes. It is tiny and fits in one hand, just like Grace. Her funeral was on August 27th at 2pm with Father Tom Wood officiating. The funeral home set up a table for us with a pretty cloth to set her urn on. We set out a photo of her in a frame that her daddy picked out. We sat out her shawl and her footprint card for people to see. The funeral director presented me with her urn before setting it on the table. The priest blessed it. The service was short. 12 people came to honor our daughter. The funeral home gave us the guest registry and matching cards that were printed with Precious Moments Angels. Afterward we were able to bring her ashes home.
Right now Grace’s ashes are sitting on our dresser next to her framed photo. We bought a bunny doll just like the one she was cremated with and it sits next to her photo. A friend gave us a tiny angel bear and it now sits with Grace's things.
At my follow up appointment the doctor informed us that they had found a blood clot in her cord. He didn’t know why it happened. He put me on aspirin and said during our next pregnancy that I would have to take blood thinners.

Despite all of this we're still hoping for a miracle baby. I know that my girls will send us their little sibling.