What is wrong with people?

I've been holding everything in to make others more comfortable. It's starting to boil over. The smallest things are making my eyes well up with tears, but I choke them back. Nobody wants me to talk about my babies outside of a very small few. Most people are just so uncomfortable with it. It breaks my heart that I can't talk about my angels.

In my excitement over possibly fostering/adopting I started telling everyone. I was given a very rude awakening. Honestly, only about 3 people were happy about it. Talk about disturbing and heartbreaking. Several said some really hurtful and stupid things. A couple did everything they could to talk me out of it.

Let me give some examples:

1. "why don't you just try to get pregnant again" - I lost two babies in less than a year. One miscarriage and one stillbirth. I'm afraid of getting pregnant again. We don't know if I will be able to carry to term. My doctor tested the placenta from Grace's birth and told me that it was a blood clot. He didn't test any further. We don't know if it will happen again. I don't think I can handle losing another baby. Anyone would be scared. I want my own children but I don't know if I will ever be ready for pregnancy again. I go back and forth on this a lot.

2. "so you're just giving up? but you can get pregnant, that's half the battle" So, you're an idiot. Getting pregnant may be half the battle, but having a healthy baby is the other. I'm not exactly giving up, I'm just changing strategy.

3. "are you sure you can afford a child?" This comment set me on fire. Nobody said anything like this when I was pregnant. Nobody. We had NOTHING ready for a baby. We want to adopt an older child out of the state foster system not an infant. We have almost everything we'd need for an older child. Besides, there is very little cost involved in adoption through the state as compared to a private agency. But I'd love to know can anyone REALLY afford a child? There's always going to be some "sticker shock" involved here. I've been researching this for 10 years, I'm not completely unaware.

4. "foster kids are holy terrors, I don't think you can handle it" So? All kids are terrors at some point, myself included. My husband and I have both had very hard lives. He was a foster kid, abused, neglected. I saw a lot of death and emotional abuse. We both came out of our childhoods a little scared and broken. I think we can understand and relate to these kids better than most. The biggest thing they need is love and compassion. I think we can handle that. And just for the record, if I knew of a woman who had an unplanned pregnancy and wanted a private adoption - I'd be all over that. But unfortunately I don't. Most people I have heard of in those situations give the child to a family member.

5. "why don't you just get a surrogate?" We have talked about this. We don't have the money for it. That's thousands of dollars just out of the starting gate, on top of everything else involved such as finding a woman we trust to do it, the legal fees, ect. Plus I have a giant fear that she'd change her mind and try to keep the child.

I have contacted the state to get information about fostering/adopting. From my reading it will take 5 months give or take for the home study and classes. So, who knows what would happen during that time?

But seriously, why are so many people trying to talk us out of doing something so beautiful? I have always wanted to adopt in addition to having my own children. There are so many children out there who want nothing more than a family to love them and care for them. I do have the capacity to love a child who isn't my own as if they were my own. I have a lot of love to give and want to give a child a second chance at having a loving family. I don't really see why so many people think it's not something I should do?